So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
