I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
