he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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