If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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