You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
