I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
