Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize