Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
