Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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