Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
