Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
