A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
