hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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