he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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