Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
