come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
