He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
