We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
