this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
