god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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