Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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