Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
