i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
