dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
