My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
