I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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