Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
