I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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