my vag is so smooth its legendary
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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