genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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