connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
