i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Randomize
