We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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