You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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