This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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