I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
