please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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