'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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