Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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