Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
