dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
