my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
what day is it and did you see me today?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
