Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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