just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
