So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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