I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
