i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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