walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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