Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You may now shotgun with the bride
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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