From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
